Die Another Day
by Kevin
I saw the latest James Bond flick at the cheap seats theatre last night. Wow, is it just me or was that a particularly silly movie even for a Bond picture? SUre there was lots of action and explosions and beautiful women (all things I generally like in a movie) but the whole movie was just so implausable so riddiculous that I found myself laughing. (BTW, spoilers ahead)
- First of all, the whole “face lift” idea thing was kind of lame. How many people didn’t see that coming? Besides, the whole things is so widely implausable. As if you could just change someone completely (face, voice, etc.) with some “DNA resequencing and a cool face mask thingee.
- Relatedly, the bad guy was lame as well. He wasn’t much of a threat and at no point did you really think Bond was in trouble. You needed more tension between Bond and the bad guy, something that pulled the movie along. It seems to me that Bond would have been more pissed off at the traitor who really put him in the prison for 14 months. But in the end, she gets offed by Bonds American girlfriend instead. And that stupid guy with the diamonds in his face? The car chase they had on the ice was stupid and way to long.
- The most implausable thing in the movie, however, was its central premise: Icharus. It is beyond belief that the US, or anyone else for that matter, would allow someone to build such a destructive weapon in the sky and only realise its capabilities until it is too late. I can just see it now: Oh crap you mean that satelite that can focus the sun’s rays back to earth in a powerful ray cna be used as a weapon? What are we going to do now? Pahleese! The whole thing was preposterous.
- The constant junior high level sexual inuendo was not witty but annoying. It wasn’t Monty Python but Beavis and Butthead. I think I could have put up with the over-the-top plot if the dialogue hadn’t been so bad. It as if they were so busy coming up with ever more complicated stunts and plot lines that they forgot to write lines that sounded intelligent or convincing. Both times when Bond sleeps with his co-stars the dialogue leading up to the seduction were pathetic. No women would sleep with a guy with such lame pick-up lines.
Some of you are problably saying: Kevin it is a James Bond movie! I know that but I thought it was particularly bad even for this franchise. Other Bond flicks might have stretched reality but at least that had interesting bad guys and a decent plot. Thank goodness I only paid $1.50. If I had paid full price I would have been sadly disappointed.
Heh, I always preferred Matt Helm when I was a kid. Amazing how we more critical of fantasy/sci-fi films as adults. I miss the ignorance of my youth where anything was possible regardless of its plausibility in the real world.
But, I would agree with your point about the last Bond film… pretty mediocre even by Bond standards.
I avoided this one, although I usually go to the Bond flicks. I wasn’t sure, though, whether I had made the right choice. I now have your post to validate the wisdom of my action (or non-action in this case). Thanks!
It’s just a movie, it’s just a movie …
Even chanting that couldn’t help this waste of celluloid. Gregg Easterbrook over at ESPN skewered this one a few months ago. Did you like how the someone from North Korean can produce enough cash and technical know-how to not only produce the “death-ray” satellite, but put it into orbit?
It would be interesting, if the technology was up to snuff, to have a few bloggers get together over the Web, run the film and insert comments ala Mystery Science Theater 3000. That would be the only way to help this turkey.